Taking the Leap

3... 2... 1... JUMP!

Is how I told myself it would go. I looked up at the edge of a cliff from the beach; the ocean's waves were churning at the base in front of me. The crystal clear water couldn't possibly hide any rocks, and—as dozens of jumpers had already established—the area below was plenty deep to safely land after a thrilling drop.

So, I jogged up the steeply angled path to the top and strode to the edge for my leap, confident that that was all there was to it. Then, just as I got to the point where I could look down at the surf, my body froze. I didn't try to stop moving. My brain still thought we were going. It was just some primal instinct that refused to let me go further. I felt like a mime pressed up against an invisible wall. Some people experience the "call of the void," where you feel an inexplicable urge to toss yourself from a great height right in front of you. I felt the exact opposite. This void wasn't calling me today; it was threatening to call the police if I got any closer. That feeling of absolute, illogical paralysis still sticks with me.

I almost gave up right there. I have trouble describing just how hard my muscles fought the commands I gave them. Hard as I pushed, I could not make myself jump. "This could be a once-in-a-lifetime experience," I thought dejectedly as I prepared to turn back. I felt so disappointed in myself. Here I was, about to wimp out, and in front of my girlfriend (future wife!).

Then an idea hit me.

Like a flash, I spun around and decided—JUMP!

I ran headlong into an immense wall of pressure at the edge, but this time my body couldn't freeze fast enough. I broke through the invisible barrier, and suddenly I was soaring through the air.

An electrifying feeling of weightlessness hit me. For just a moment, I felt that feeling a life spends chasing. That surge of adrenaline combined with the elation of overcoming such an overwhelming obstacle within myself.

Lately, I watch a lot of YouTube, scroll through X more than I should, and wish I felt more proud of the in-between moments of the day. That stuck feeling brought this old cliff to mind.

So, I’m trying to change: make more things, finish more projects, and see how it goes. This post is my first step.